June 1, 2009, 11:35 pm
Filed under: Commentary | Tags:

I have been feeling a lot of emotions since I arrived here in London. Sleepiness, anxiety, relief, fear, excitement, nausea, sadness, confusion, pride, intrigue…It really runs the gamut. Here are some things that have been on my mind

  • I missed the birth of my baby sister today. Half-sister, technically, but that sure feels sad. I have yet to find out what kind of relationship Abigail and I will have, but missing the first 6 weeks of her life makes me feel kind of awful.
  • The death of Dr. George Tiller has left me feeling stranded, kinda of peering over a fence (The Atlantic ocean, perhaps) to get the scoop and figure out the climate. I don’t know my friends here well enough to convey the intense sadness and righteous anger I feel over his assassination, which sounds kind of silly when I think about it. Regardless, I feel really distanced from it and helpless, mixed in with my pride in being pro-choice and a feminist and a supporter of providers like Planned Parenthood. Reading all the blogs and stories from opposite ends of the abortion debate has made me feel so many things, and I am not quite sure how to channel all those feelings into not being upset. Yet.
  • Today we shopped in London, and I learned, yet again, that I hate shopping, specifically clothes shopping. I never feel good about buying clothes mainstream, from sweatshop retailers. I can’t shut that out, and it bothers me to see that nobody else seems to feel this way. I wish everyone was as thoughtful and critical as I think I am – obviously because there would be no sweatshops or unfair wages – but because then I wouldn’t be made out to be so radical for not wanting to be a consumer. It makes me feel weird on so many levels. I don’t want to buy any more clothes unless I absolutely need it. Yucky.

I also kind of feel like every minute spent in my room or on the computer is a huge waste, which is a negi and a posi. I don’t want to overbook and tire myself out, but ideally it’ll get me up and about the town every single day. Shopping felt like a waste today, that got me down. And Skyping with the BF was really excellent, but it made me feel so far away…

Anyway, my class starts tomorrow, hopefully that’ll bring some order to the chaos that is my emotions. Also, I didn’t take the period pills of last months BC, because I was traveling intensely the days I would’ve been menstruating, and I didn’t want to deal with it. Could that have been a bad idea, emotionally? I think I’m overreacting, I really do feel superfine and super awesome and lucky to be in this awesome city. I oughta stop complaining…


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